Ode to Nice Guys

I found below post while stumbling around the web. It is from this site. While I think the guy is the perfect example of the modern mama's boy-passive aggressive-women hating-wuzzbag asshole that is all to common, I can agree on one thing: we both love Nice Guys. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't get laid as much.

For those who have 'a distant friend' like this (before you write me a threat letter) please read this.

----

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores.

This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style. (Edit: you respect her so much you can't bring yourself to fuck her)

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you. (Edit: you let yourselves get abused. It is no-ones fault but your own)

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it.

This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor.

This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t.

From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.”

Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!).

But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single. (Edit: This is what these guys see in movies)

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming. (Edit: the ultimate fantasy)

The youngest PUA on earth

Awesome:

The 2008 Under 21 Convention Super Trailer

Attachment is the source of Weakness

One might say that attachment is the source of all weakness. At the same time it is also the cause of all pleasure. How do we combine the two? How do we keep from living in a perpetual state of fear for losing whatever it is we are attached to? It is this question that below text by Swami Vivekanada tries to answer:



That is the one cause of misery: we are attached, we are being caught. Therefore says the Gita: Work constantly; work, but be not attached; be not caught. Reserve unto yourself the power of detaching yourself from everything, however beloved, however much the soul might yearn for it, however great the pangs of misery you feel if you were going to leave it; still, reserve the power of leaving it whenever you want. The weak have no place here, in this life or in any other life. Weakness leads to slavery. Weakness leads to all kinds of misery, physical and mental. Weakness is death. There are hundreds of thousands of microbes surrounding us, but they cannot harm us unless we become weak, until the body is ready and predisposed to receive them. There may be a million microbes of misery, floating about us. Never mind! They dare not approach us, they have no power to get a hold on us, until the mind is weakened. This is the great fact: strength is life, weakness is death. Strength is felicity, life eternal, immortal; weakness is constant strain and misery: weakness is death.

Attachment is the source of all our pleasures now. We are attached to our friends, to our relatives; we are attached to our intellectual and spiritual works; we are attached to external objects, so that we get pleasure from them. What, again, brings misery but this very attachment? We have to detach ourselves to earn joy. If only we had power to detach ourselves at will, there would not be any misery. That man alone will be able to get the best of nature, who, having the power of attaching himself to a thing with all his energy, has also the power to detach himself when he should do so. The difficulty is that there must be as much power of attachment as that of detachment. There are men who are never attracted by anything. They can never love, they are hard-hearted and apathetic; they escape most of the miseries of life. But the wall never feels misery, the wall never loves, is never hurt; but it is the wall, after all. Surely it is better to be attached and caught, than to be a wall. Therefore the man who never loves, who is hard and stony, escaping most of the miseries of life, escapes also its joys. We do not want that. That is weakness, that is death. That soul has not been awakened that never feels weakness, never feels misery. That is a callous state. We do not want that.

At the same time, we not only want this mighty power of love, this mighty power of attachment, the power of throwing our whole soul upon a single object, losing ourselves and letting ourselves be annihilated, as it were, for other souls — which is the power of the gods — but we want to be higher even than the gods. The perfect man can put his whole soul upon that one point of love, yet he is unattached. How comes this? There is another secret to learn.

The beggar is never happy. The beggar only gets a dole with pity and scorn behind it, at least with the thought behind that the beggar is a low object. He never really enjoys what he gets.

We are all beggars. Whatever we do, we want a return. We are all traders. We are traders in life, we are traders in virtue, we are traders in religion. And alas! we are also traders in love.

If you come to trade, if it is a question of give-and-take, if it is a question of buy-and-sell, abide by the laws of buying and selling. There is a bad time and there is a good time; there is a rise and a fall in prices: always you expect the blow to come. It is like looking at the mirrors Your face is reflected: you make a grimace — there is one in the mirror; if you laugh, the mirror laughs. This is buying and selling, giving and taking.

We get caught. How? Not by what we give, but by what we expect. We get misery in return for our love; not from the fact that we love, but from the fact that we want love in return. There is no misery where there is no want. Desire, want, is the father of all misery. Desires are bound by the laws of success and failure. Desires must bring misery.

The great secret of true success, of true happiness, then, is this: the man who asks for no return, the perfectly unselfish man, is the most successful.

Fat Chicks...Should you date one?!!

Funny guy. I don't approve of him making the girls feel bad like that but he has a point. His video's are cool!

About Cocky and Funny, Teasing & Negging

Sometimes reading about something really changes your whole paradigm about it. I had such a moment when I read the latest Cliff's List.

This post applies to me especially because 'getting serious' never seems to work out in times I wanted it too. It is insightfull and very intelligent and if you recognize yourself I invite you to read it several times.

--
THE TRUTH ABOUT TEASING A WOMAN

Maybe you've been around a bit. Maybe you've read the book The Game. Maybe you've subscribed to a bunch of newsletters on the topic of dating, seduction, pick-up, maybe even something on relationships.

One of the "big ideas" you may have heard about is the concept of teasing a woman to build attraction.

This is absolutely one of the most misunderstood ideas, for SURE. It's one of the most abused concepts. The idea is that you tease a girl and she feels attraction to you because it is supposed to build "sexual tension".

Well, the reality is that if a woman for one second thinks that you mean what you are saying, then what you are doing it absolutely WRONG.

Yet most guys interpret the idea of teasing a woman as somehow being the opposite of kissing up to her. And since in the past when they kissed up, it didn't work, they feel that they have finally uncovered the secret key to attraction.

Well, the TRUTH is that teasing a woman in a mean way is actually a BAD idea. I have always said that the rule is it has to be clear that you're not being serious.

So, if a woman is super beautiful and you tease her that she isn't lucky enough to go out with you, then it's actually YOU making fun of YOURSELF, not HER. There's nothing particularly "ALPHA" about that, is there? Yet, she may very well LAUGH, and she will interpret that you are actually a SECURE to make fun of yourself this way, and that you are fun, and that THEREFORE you are not putting SERIOUS PRESSURE on her to go out with you.

So, what is ACTUALLY working here is the PLAY, and the fact that you are not coming on so SERIOUSLY. In HER mind, this means that you probably won't want TOO MUCH COMMITMENT from her, which makes it EASIER for HER to go out with YOU.

Did you read that correctly? She DOESN'T HAVE TO BE TOO SERIOUS ABOUT YOU, therefore she doesn't MIND going out with you. It's not like she HAS to be so attracted, since the COST is very LOW.

Now, on the one hand, you could argue that this means you are not needy, and on the other, you could argue that it means you don't EXPECT much, which some might say is a sign of LOW self-esteem.

Something to THINK about.

This should give a guy an important clue: when a tease is done in a mean way, it does NOT work.

And here's ANOTHER massive point: if a guy is really good looking, he needs to be even MORE careful about teasing a woman, because SHE may feel insecure around him, and the teasing might make her feel that he is just toying with her, or that he really MEANS what he's saying.

Let me make it CLEAR:
Imagine that you were the PRESIDENT or PRIME MINISTER of your country. Would you feel the need to TEASE a woman you just met? Or would you somehow INSTINCTIVELY know that the right thing to do is to make that person feel more RELAXED in your presence?

You know this because you ALREADY have massive value, and this itself can make people feel insecure, so what you do is create RAPPORT.

This, of course, only happens when you KNOW you have massive value. But the thing is, because you KNOW it, even when you are making rapport, your voice carries confidence, charisma, and power, which is ATTRACTIVE. Even the WAY you make rapport is ACTUALLY CREATING ATTRACTION.

So you have to realize that it's not TEASING that attracts a woman, it's following things that are actually KEY:

One:
By being PLAYFUL, you are showing that you are not taking the whole thing too SERIOUSLY, which means to her that she won't feel PRESSURE to have to COMMIT so fast. Most guys behave in a SERIOUS way that implies she will have to COMMIT fast, which means shutting DOWN all the other guys she might want to see.

Two:
By not being so serious, and in a way making fun of YOURSELF (because when you tease a woman who is beautiful, she KNOWS that it's absurd and that therefore you are surely KIDDING, so this is actually FUNNY) you are showing that SHE DOES NOT HAVE TO GIVE YOU SO MUCH, since, after all, this is all "just playing," not some kind of serious relationship. So not only does she not have to commit to you, but in fact, on a serious emotional level, she doesn't have to give you ANYTHING.

The reality is that sex is a universal thing. It can be a distraction, it can be a fun thing to do with someone new for a novelty, it can be lots of things, but it does not have to be some kind of emotional commitment—which is fine, unless you ARE looking for something serious.

And THEN a lot of guys WONDER why the girl they met doesn't seem to work out long term, and why they keep on getting into this problem over and over again.

Three:
Playful teasing is also a universally understood form of sexual flirtation, so what you are saying effectively is that the potential for sex is ON, which is of course FAR more effective for getting to sex than acting like you are A NON-SEXUAL being. But this is supposed to be good natured, and has nothing to do with "slamming a woman's self-esteem" as is so often described by pick-up artists, etc. The only girls who need to have their self-esteem "slammed" are the kinds of girls who would never be good for a true long term relationship anyway.

Four:
Also, it's important to not be SUBMISSIVE, so the teasing can also be interpreted as a way of showing that you are playfully being "dominant"—even though the overly cocky tease often shows HER power, since there is no WAY on EARTH that a gorgeous woman would ever feel "sexually inferior" to a guy who would clearly sell his own mother to go out with her. So when a guy DOES make some cocky comment to her that she would be lucky to go out with him, it's FUNNY, and it's at HIS expense, not hers.

This may be funny, but it has nothing to do with dominance, or the woman feeling somehow beneath the guy.

Notice NONE of the factors above regarding teasing have ANYTHING to do with being the guy who is "calling the shots" for her, or with avoiding being "good" or "nice" to her.

I'm not saying that teasing a woman is BAD, I'm just saying that most guys get it totally WRONG, because they are emphasizing the WRONG part of the TEASE. They think it's coming from a position of CONTROL over her, when in reality, it's coming from a position of asking way LESS of her. It's LOWERING your expectations. It's making the whole interaction "low cost," and it's making things a JOKE.

That's why, if you happen to be a guy who looks like a model, then teasing should be even MORE playful and LESS arrogant, otherwise you will make her feel BAD. She might very WELL be the one who IS lucky to go out with such a guy, so it's not a joke at all to her if the guy says, "You'd be lucky to go out with me, make sure to put a paper bag over your head so no one knows I'm with you." Then she feels like crap, she does NOT feel that he is valuing HER, and thinks maybe he is just being a jerk.

This is why, by the way, women say they want a guy to be EXTRA NICE to them—they are talking about a guy who is ALREADY physically attractive to them. Otherwise, they want an average-looking guy they've just met to be VERY CONFIDENT, to be VERY COOL, to be FUN, etc., as THESE FACTORS make the guy JUST AS ATTRACTIVE as the one who looks like a model.

Even with a woman who is acting disrespectfully, the solution is not to "SLAM" her self-esteem. The solution is to be the coolest man you can be. If that's not enough, then I assure you that no amount of slamming her ego will make her appreciate you, or make her any more fun to be with. Slamming her ego will only make her feel like CRAP, and that means she is in no state to feel anything positive at all, including attraction.

Even if a guy is not a model, he CAN attract gorgeous women by having a SUPER ATTRACTIVE personality. But this SUPER CHARISMATIC, ATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY has nothing to do with TEASING a woman in a way that undermines her self-esteem, with being mean, or with showing her you're the boss.


Michael The Dating Wizard

How to eat

An excellent video about our diet. I don't agree with anything but this is a good guideline. If you are interested in the subject please read 'diet for a new america'.